Self-sabotage is misguided self-protection. It presents itself when there is an inner conflict around what you say and feel you want, and what feels safe to your survival brain.
Your survival brain's primary goal is to stay safe. That means keeping things the same, as they are. So even if your current patterns/habits/experience isn't what you desire, your brain will do all it can to keep it as is because something different feels like a threat.
Your "inner critic" is the part of you that self-sabotages. This part of you was created when you were a young child. You internalize what you were told, what you heard and what you witnessed from your authority figures as a child (parents, teachers, coaches, doctors, religious leaders, grandparents, peers, etc). This conditioning becomes the voice of your inner critic for the rest of your life, unknowingly. This voice is not who you really are. It's only what you learned and what got programmed into your unconscious mind. Your unconscious mind drives about 90% of your choices in life.
Fear of change
Fear of success or failure
Fear of rejection
Fear of pain/discomfort
Feeling undeserving or unworthy of being happy/healthy/loved/etc
Achieving the goal you are working towards doesn't feels safe or possible
Why you self-sabotage:
Procrastination/avoidance
Making excuses for not taking healthy actions
Making self-destructive choices
Fear of pain/discomfort
Doing the thing you say you won't do
Buying into the inner critic's voice that discourages you and holds you back
Ways you may self-sabotage:
Understand why you sabotage.
Recognize the inner critic within is not you. That voice is not telling the truth.
Question and then redirect the inner critic.
Create a positive, encouraging perspective with matching inner dialogue.
Take the action your inner critic is talking you out of.
How to shift self-sabotage:
Example
Mary wants to lose 35lbs and reach her goal weight of 160. She does well for a few weeks but falls off track and ends up ordering take-out for dinner after work all week, skipping the gym and drinking wine every night. She feels frustrated she can't seem to commit to a healthy lifestyle even when she really wants to lose the weight. Mary realizes when she imagines herself at 160, she will no longer have an excuse to avoid dating. She has been single for 3 years after her divorce. She avoids dating saying she will be ready to date once she reaches her goal weight. Dating feels scary and stressful to her. She fears putting herself out there and being rejected like her ex-husband did. Her inner critic tells her she will never find love again, she can't trust men and dating is a waste of time. By staying overweight, she can avoid the potential pain of feeling rejected, unworthy and insecure. Once she worked through her fears, shifted her inner dialogue and boosted her self-confidence, she started being consistent in her healthy habits and lost 20 lbs over 3 months. She even started dating before reaching her goal weight.
Dr. Stacee Reicherzer
"Self-sabotage then is really the avoidance of pain; albeit in a way that's not especially helpful to our lives. The "sabotage" aspect of this comes in when, in our efforts to avoid pain, we limit ourselves from doing, being, becoming someone who's happier in a new relationship, a new job or a new situation out of fear."
How has your previous self-sabotaging behavior impacted your life? What was the consequence of self-sabotaging?
If you could rewind and have a "do-over", how would life be different?
Reflection
Where are you sabotaging yourself? In what area of life – health, money, relationships, self-care? Choose one area to explore.
In what ways do you sabotage? What is the habit(s) or pattern of thought and behavior?
Looking at the reasons why people sabotage, which do you see operating for you? Look at your fears, feelings and beliefs.
Follow the steps to shift self-sabotage in this area. Write it out in a journal and then share with your health coach. Create a plan to transform this in your life.
Put this into practice for You:
© inHealth Medical Services, Inc. 2020